Thought I should let those of you who still have me on their friend's lists for some reason or other, that I am alive & all is going well! Just got back from two weeks of exploring America & Canada with the folks & currently trying to catch up with friends like a crazy one since I've been back. Went to a bloody blinding gig (Tortoise playing at one of ATP's Don't Look Back nights, along with Chris Clark supporting!! Ohhh!!) on Tuesday with a geezer I vaguely know of the net (turns out he wasn't a crazy murderous paedo!) & had a really, really good time.

Andrew & I being friends seems to be going pretty well, despite when I get a bit too drunk & emotional, but I'm feeling far, far better than I have done recently. This being single lark is mighty strange though, especially with these subconscious 'SINGLE!SINGLE!SINGLE!' rays I must be sending out too all the complete mentalists that I walk past, causing every weirdo & pervert (from aged 'rock stars' to waiters in chinese restaurants) to turn their attention towards me! Help!

Lots of other things have happened, but shall write about those another day. Still don't have any internet in my room due to Dad forgetting to bring home to wire crimper & other such things. Looking forward to when I can waste my days with internetty goodness!

I must catch up with Neighbours after not seeing it for two months, what's going on!?!?

It's been a while, indeed! Things have been rather hectic recently, what with working & my suddenly increasing social life. Thoroughly enjoying myself though. This is just a quick round up of what's been happening, because I've been rather slack with the old journal recently, mainly due to there being no fully functioning internet connection in my room at the moment. Poo.

So, working in Colchester is as fun as always. I really enjoy myself, even though I've only been there a few weeks. The new lady (who is taking over from Debbie when she moves over to Sudbury & who I was covering for) started last week. I don't think much of her & she doesn't like me at all, which I think is mainly down to her having to ask me for help when things go wrong. Blah, old people! I'll only be there for another week & then I'm off on holiday! When I get back, I won't be needed any more, so I'll have lots of time to relax & finally get round to doing work on my disseration. Will probably try & get some agency work too, but I need a bit of a rest first!

Emily's band had their first gig the other night, so I went along to have a little dance & little cheer in their general direction. Steve (guitarist) & I had been organising Em a rather belated surprise birthday party for weeks, to go ahead at his after the gig, so I was stressing out over how we were going to pull it off. Managed to get everyone back to Steve's but it was late, people were tired & everyone ended up going home. I kipped over seeing as Em's work mates didn't have a way to get back & it didn't feel right to abandon them at the flat of a guy they'd never met before. Got very little sleep, but headed off to Ely the next day to spend the weekend with Niall. Had a top notch time though, despite the tiredness & my lucozade & chocolate bar intake on the way helped me from falling asleep at the wheel! We went to a beer festival on Saturday evening & boozed a plenty, feeling very content & good. Sunday featured lots of tea, Jelly Oceanic World, lots of Peep Show & other good things!

Went to Katie & Mike's wedding yesterday. Had a really lovely day, despite my absolutely crippling heels & managing to get one really sunburnt arm from having the window open on the drive up. The service was lovely (if not creepily god-loving) & Katie looked beautiful. I almost got a bit emotional too! The reception was great too, on the Mississippi River Boat, & lots of nice photos were taken (which will come along later). Ended up driving home again after the reception, rather than staying over because the plan was so last minute & the rooms were so expensive we decided not to. Sarah managed to keep me awake in the car on the way back, but by the time I dropped her off it was definitely time to go to bed. All in all a very good day :)

Must go & catch up on all the boring things I've not had time for recently. Photos to come soon.

The weekend was actually really nice, despite the tears & the rather melancholy situation. I met Andrew at Liverpool St around 11am & we ended walking & talking, until we reached Tower Bridge & guzzled over-priced coffee. The plan was to visit as many pubs from The Good Beer Guide based in central London as we could on a warm & busy Saturday afternoon & it was grand. We visited the Lamb in Russell Square & had lunch, then moved on to The Harp near Covent Garden. Lots of walking seemed to take place & we stumbled across an exhibition of Ramones photographs, which was pretty cool. Decided to stop off at a pub in Wimbledon seeing as it was on the way home, but it took us about fifty hot & sweaty years to find it & it was a complete disappointment seeing as it was closing for refurbishment the next day. We talked a ridiculous amount & laughed so much, everything was very laid back. We finally had a chance to talk 'properly' when we got back to Andrew's & I spent a large amount of it crying, but we agreed it was probably best just to be friends. Went out to the pub again & I cooed over very large dogs, one of whom loved me & kept shoving his head in my lap each time I stopped stroking him. Sunday featured breakfast in a cafe frequented by obnoxious snobs & drinking the last of the beer in the park in the sunshine. I managed to get home by late afternoon & nipped round to Emily's for a little while & then went round to Jack & Donna's, who's bbq was just coming to an end.

I did enjoy myself this weekend, even if it was strange & rather upsetting. I am glad I went though & got a chance to talk things though, yet still have fun with one of the people I love the most. I think it'll definitely take a long time to properly come to terms with this & understand what boundaries exist between people who go from being in a relationship for so long to being 'just friends'. It's difficult, but I'd rather we broke up now on reasonably good terms & stay friends, than stay together, end up getting annoyed & bitter towards each other then losing contact all together. I just hope that we manage to pull this one off & things don't end up becoming weird & awkward.

Commuting to Colchester is knackering me out. It actually took me 50 minutes to get to work today (which I suppose did also involve parking & locking my car in the compound & then walking up the road to the dealership, but still!).I mentioned to Nikki on the phone earlier that I should just stay there & camp out in the car. I could adopt my Ray Mears survival techniques! Must sleep!

Firstly, thanks to all of you who replied to my last post. Things have been difficult, but are getting better & you're kind words really helped. Secondly, I'm abso-bloody-exactly knackered.

Things have been going at full force over the past few weeks. I am now the proud owner of a green N-reg Corsa (it's technically half Emma's too), which I was in desperate need of to drive to work & such like, as getting lifts with Dad & work mates was starting to become a bit tricky. The car arrived on Thursday, but what with insurance, tax & being away for the weekend I didn't get to drive it until Monday. After terrifying Dad going round at rather damp roundabout on the way to get some petrol I went to visit Emily & a jolly good day was had by all. Bocking Windmill was open seeing as it was a bank holiday, so we decided to visit. Also attempted to look round Cressing Temple, to further our educational sight-seeing day, but it was closing as we arrived.

Working in credit control at Tiptree has been fun. Never did get round to taking those photos of my little ducky friends though. I've now been moved over to Colchester Peugeot to do a similar kind of thing until they find someone more permanant, seeing as the woman I was covering at Tiptree has now returned. I thoroughly dislike her & was very glad I only had to spend one day working in the same office as her, before moving to the different site. Everything is going well, the job is good & it pays well, but the journey over to Colchester is a pain in the bum. I did however get a cuddle from the MD of the company today, mainly because he's known me for years & is practically a family friend. Must have looked a little strange to some of the people I worked with though!

Went to Katie's hen-night last weekend, spending the majority of my time with (home)Amy moaning about how terrible it was. We ended up going bowling with Katie's entire family (mum, nan, great-aunt etcetc), had a reasonably nice meal & were then home by 9.30. Her uber straight-laced sister wouldn't even let a bunch of us 21 year olds get a taxi home by ourselves. The promise of drinking booze at home sounded fairly reassuring, but by the time we were back all I wanted was a cup of tea & bed. Ugh. To top it all off Amy & I were stuck on a train for an extra two hours due to a bus 'striking' a bridge just outside Stowmarket. We did get free tea & I have sent off a form to get my money back. It was just the perfect end to such a great weekend.

Completely shattered & can't wait to get into bed tonight (or in half an hour!). Must go & do some ironing. Hope everyone is ok!

I wasn't going to say anything until everything had been talked through & sorted out, but I thought it probably best to let people know. Andrew & I are in the process of breaking up & I'm going to visit him next weekend at uni to talk through how we feel & what we plan to do. It first came to light last weekend when we were on the phone talking about how after four & a half years things had changed & that we weren't really the same people any more. I still love him & I can't imagine him not being a part of my life in some way, which Andrew agrees with, so we are going to try & stay friends, although I can't even begin to imagine how hard that is going to be.

Everyone I've told so far has been amazingly supportive & I'm feeling better than I have done for most the week. Work has been very helpful at taking my mind off things, but hearing Yesterday & Elton John's Your Song being played down the phone at me while on hold to some company didn't help much.

I'll write more about what's going on once I'm home after my visit, hopefully with a better idea of what's going on.

Just a quick one before I collapse into bed, just to say that my first two days of full time employment so far have gone well. Currently working at a car dealership in Tiptree (where the jam comes from) doing credit control & other exciting office things. I'm having great fun with Elite & spent most of yesterday re-organising the filing carried out by the previous temp (who obviously doesn't understand the alphabet!). Everyone I work with is very nice & I have my own little office (more of a cupboard) which I share with a mountain of servers, a large air conditioning unit & Dad when he has work to at that site. Today I ate my lunch by a picture postcard duck pond & shared my rolls with its inhabitants. I've given some of them names too (more on that later!). I'll take my camera with me tomorrow & take photos of them. Tiptree is full of very old people & pollen. More at the weekend when I'm not completely shattered. Hope everyone is well & shall catch up with you soon!

I had my last exam yesterday so I'm finally free! Getting picked up by Mum tomorrow at some point, so today will consist of packing up all my worldly possessions & faffing around. Yesterday was a good, yet incredibly random day! After the exam went & had lunch in The Treaty with Nikki & Amy, then wandered round the shops for a bit & managed to pick up some cheap bed linen for our new double beds! Nipped home for a while & then went back to the pub to meet Sarah for a goodbye drink seeing as I didn't really fancy going out into town with her & the guys that evening. Got absolutely soaked on the way home, but after drying off & having some tea Nikki & I made our way back to the pub to get very hammered.

It started off well, with a few pints & a good play on the juke box, then after we started guzzling down jagermeister & redbull (yummy!) a bunch of losers decided to join us & try their luck at chatting us up. They were complete pricks, thought they were very high class smoking cigars & telling us about the land they owned & other bollocks. Were then joined by two other blokes, one of which thought we were 'with' the losers. Vom!

Nikki called Ollie, who came with his mate Danny to pick us up & take us home, which was very much appreciated, as we were getting stern yet worried looks from Grace the landlady, who seemed very concerned about our prediciment. Once home we ran around looking for the number of a take-away that would still be delivering & taking orders after midnight. We managed to find one (Lincoln Kebab House I believe!) & without any kind of menu we ended up yelling drunkenly down the phone to the very kind & patient lady taking our order that we needed "MUSHROOMS LOTS OF MUSHROOMS! What pizza has MUSHROOMS on it?!?!?!?!?!!". We got a massive veggie pizza with many mushrooms & then some garlic bread with cheese & mushrooms. It was fantastic, chomping away on pizza, getting most of it all over the floor & playing with Hammond while singing along very loudly to Queen, as we usually do when we get drunk.

Woken up today not feeling too bad & now must clear up my tip of a room & pack, then tidy this pizza encrusted & dust covered house. Feel a happy girl!

The meeting with my dissertation supervisor went well. I was early & nervous, but she's such a nice woman I managed to voice all of my ideas & she seemed to really like them. Quite a few of her supervisees have done similar projects, so she was a bit cheeky & photocopied the list of references from one of the studies she was marking & let me have it, as a bit of a starter to background reading which I thought was lovely & certainly wasn't expected. I've got quite a lot to do over the summer, with regards to background reading & beginning to plan out the experiment, as I want to get the majority of my participants tested before the end of the first semester (slightly vital to my results being able to get first years & second years before they get to know about the area I'm researching). Hooray, hooray, hooray!

On the way home I went to Argos to buy a bookcase for my new room. It was a lot smaller than I thought, but a lot heavier & I still have big red marks on my wrists from where I was trying to drag it home. My arms still feel a bit funny too. Nikki helped me construct the beast, taking the 'This bookcase takes 1 hour to build' sign as a challenge & tried to see how quickly we could finish it. Unfortunately we seemed to be a few nails down, which prompted a quick dash to the tool shop down the road who do not sell nails, & then finding the missing nail on the carpet, thus losing us valuable building time. I'm sure we would have made it otherwise. It looks pretty good too, despite the slightly wonky part at the bottom, which has since been removed because it looks poo & may be reattached at a later date.

Must now get down to some serious revision as the exam is on Friday & I feel very, very unprepared! Balls.